I forget the actual name of the show, but without googalizing, I'm guessing it is "Ricky, Nicky, Dicky and Dawn". I could be wrong. It is apparently a Nickelodeon show from over ten years ago already. Again, I could be wrong. When I first noticed it a year or so ago, I asked him what he was watching and he told me. Now, every time I walk by and see or hear the show (mostly hear), I ask him, "Is that Rinky-Dinky, Stinky and Dumb?!" And he just looks up and smiles and says, "Yup!"
Dusty is pretty good about being teased. He can take a joke very well. Almost too well sometimes. Too self deprecating at some points. When you tease him he would agree that he is stupid or ugly. In a fun way. Don't get me wrong. But sometimes I would have to tell him I don't like him making fun of himself like that.
I wasn't like that with Rusty, my older one. I was always too careful about hurting his feelings, so I never even teased him about his looks or personality. I would have never teased him about being ugly or stupid. Maybe I should have a little bit. I think it might have backfired a bit in that it turned him into being too sensitive. When his friends would tease him, he tended to overreact at a younger age. Even now when he ribs his little brother and his little brother teases him back, he can snap at some points.
It didn't help that he lost all his baby front teeth at an early age and had some trouble pronouncing words. His best friend at the time could be a little mean and when stuck in a corner he would bring up Rusty's teeth to put him down. And he didn't really take it well.
That's one of my regrets as a parent, not taking care of baby Rusty's teeth better. But I was young and didn't think much about baby teeth. I used to enjoy watching him bite hard on an apple and chew. I liked seeing him growing and eating solid food. And then not long after that, he ended up losing them. I was stupid. And I apologized to him a lot about that. He said it was all right, and I hope he means it.
A show that baby Rusty used to enjoy was "Dinosaur Train". Back when he was a toddler, I would kinda tease the show a little in my mind. When Mr. Conductor says, "All Aboard!" In my head, I would think, "We all are bored!" Funny, right? I wasn't actually bored, though. It was a great show, but I was just teasin'. But I never uttered it out loud around baby Rusty because I didn't want him to get offended.
Fast forward many years later. For a few weeks now, I would put on "Dinosaur Train" for little Dusty. Every morning before school we would watch it. It helps motivate him to get out of bed, I think. Anyways, with this kid, I just would freely yell out, "We all are bored!" And he would just go along with it.
There was one weekend when we lazily stayed in bed and watched a bunch of episodes for a few hours. I asked Rusty if he wanted to join us, and he took a pass. Dusty talked to him about the show at some point, and they discussed it. I thought that was cool that Rusty still remembered. I think it was about the valley of the stygimolochs. Dusty and I called them the stinky bollocks. Funny, right?
Anyways, lots to wonder about. I wonder if Rusty would have been more extroverted and outgoing if I hadn't been too protective of him. Maybe if I had ribbed him a bit more from time to time. And maybe if I wasn't always too strict and lightened up a little bit.
Every time, Dusty does something, and I respond to it patiently and kindly, there is always a bit of sadness for me because I always ask myself, why wasn't I this patient and kind with Rusty? Not that I was horrible necessarily, but like, when he would have incomplete schoolwork, for example, I would be on his case right away, and I just added to the pressure.
These days, I am better with Rusty. He is a teenager now, and I feel like we have a pretty great relationship. I give him his space when he needs it. I always give him a hug and tell him I love him before he goes to school in the morning. When he forgets his chores, I don't yell at him but instead give him a sarcastic, "Thank you, great job". And he says, "You're welcome" back to me. And then eventually he does it.
One time, Dusty and I came home after a long day at the hockey rink. I was starving the whole time. I told him to get something to eat because we hadn't had lunch yet. There were these tiny hot dogs on the kitchen counter, and I just absent-mindedly at it and then went down to my office. A few minutes later, Dusty comes down and asks, "Dad, did you eat all the hot dogs?!" That was when I realized I screwed up. I said yes and that they were all gone, and I asked him if he wanted me to make him sausages. He said no and just quietly walked upstairs.
I followed him up and found him sitting on a chair by the window with tears on his eyes. He is a very fun-loving kid and doesn't cry much. I picked him up and gave him a hug, and that's when he really let it all out and bawled and said he wanted to eat the hot dogs. I squeezed him tight and said, "I'm sorry". I told him I thought there was more, but the truth is I wasn't even thinking. He said it was all right, and I think it made him feel better that I apologized.
I was sad that I did that to him. But I was even sadder because there had been similar moments like that when Rusty was younger when instead of just apologizing, I ended up getting defensive. I can't take back what I did and what I didn't do, but I hope I have improved since then. As a parent, though, I admit I was sometimes rinky-dinky, stinky and dumb.
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