Thursday, February 9, 2017

Letter to my future self.

Dear future self,

Yo, dude, what the fuck?

Love,
Past self.


Sunday, January 1, 2017

Happy New Year!

I hope 2017 will be better for us.

Monday, December 12, 2016

Why my kid always clogs the toilet.

I wondered a while back why the toilet always clogs when my kid uses the toilet. He doesn't eat anything out of the ordinary, but every time he poops, I end up having to plunge that darn thing.

Anyways, I know you all have been in suspense as well since I first posted this in January. But there's a simple reason. He uses a lot of toilet paper. A lot.

Have a nice day!

Sunday, February 7, 2016

What time is the Super Bowl?

What time is the Super Bowl?
Anybody know?

Thursday, January 14, 2016

"When my bottom gets warm,

then I know I need to poop."
-my six year old

Apparently, it gets warm?

Also, why does it always clog the toilet? I have to remind him every time to flush right away. Sometimes if he doesn't, something happens and later in the day, it'll just stop working. Then I have to go take the nasty plunge. 

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Priorities Change

What would you do if you won the Powerball? Back in high school, I asked my friends what they wanted so I could buy it for them when I became a millionaire. Some of them wanted cars or houses, and one wanted an island. I believe I still have that list somewhere, though I'm hardly in touch anymore with most of those people. 

I think at that time, I mostly wanted to be able to buy a house for my mom. And maybe buy airline tickets to get some of my relatives over here to live or just visit. It would have been great to give my grandparents a tour of America and maybe the world. They're dead now. 

In the late '90s, I wanted to just follow the New York Yankees around and watch every game live. I wanted to drive around the country in a Toyota 4Runner. Maybe with the girl I liked. Well, I wouldn't have been able to play the lottery yet anyway, so of course it didn't happen. I just sat on the couch watching the games by myself and drinking a six pack of Heineken. 

In the early 2000s, I wanted to win the Mega Million and spoil my little cousins. I wanted to buy them stuff and take them on vacation around the world. Maybe to a theme park in Hong Kong or Japan. Or both. My uncle actually just wanted to drive a truck around the United States. I wish I could have helped him with that dream of his. 

Later on, I just wanted to see the world with my girlfriend and, well, make babies, as the saying goes. Well, now we are married and do have two kids. With school and everything, traveling is sort of out of the question. Even in the summer time, I want my kid out there in the tennis courts practing forehands and backhands. 

So what would I do with millions of dollars at this point? Of course, I would buy a bug house for the family. Get a new car, which would be more dependable than the old one we've had. And probably spoil ourselves with a maid or something. 

Of course, it would be nice not having to work. But I would probably invest some of it into the films I've been planning on making. 






Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Powerblow

The Powerball jackpot is now over a billion dollars. Yes, I have my ticket. You gotta be in it to win it and all that. 

When these real big lotto games first came around, I had just turned 21. I thought maybe it was meant to be for me. So I did buy a few times. And then I never won. So I stopped buying it. Because what are the odds you would win it anyway? You're just wasting your money, right?

I went for a vacation in the Phillipines in 2001. I met some cousins whom I literally never knew existed. It was an enlightening and life changing family reunion. We dreamed out loud together about stuff we would do in the future. 

When I got back to the States, there was another big jackpot of over a hundred million dollars. I decided to play my cousins' birthdays. I walked over to the corner store and asked for a Big Game ticket. That's what it was called back then. 

I handed my dollar to the clerk and looked for the paper to fill in my numbers. When I turned back to the register, I was handed my lotto ticket. She had printed out a quick pick for me. I said, "No, I have my own numbers." She took back the ticket, entered my numbers and printed them. 

I didn't win. I don't remember what the numbers were, but sometimes I wonder if that quick pick ticket could have been the winning one.