The first time I got a blood test, I was 12 years old. It was maybe a couple of months after I moved to the United States. I had never gotten one before in the Philippines. Of course, it was absolutely new and pretty scary. I actually cried. I was bawling like crazy. It was kinda pathetic actually. A big kid crying at the doctor's office like a little baby.
Blood always made me queasy though. Even years before that. I remember seeing an illustration of the human nerve system around the fourth grade, and it made me so uneasy. Just made me feel so lightheaded and all sorts of nervous all over my fingers and toes.
Seeing blood in movies and on TV makes me feel the same way. Like, one of the shows I enjoyed watching was "The Knick", but when they would have scenes where they operate on people, it was very hard for me to take. There was a film we went to watch when I was in high school where this vampire guy just has his victim's blood dripping all over. My friends must have thought it was cool and probably ate popcorn and drank soft drinks throughout the whole thing, but I kept shifting all over my seat. I just couldn't wait for it to end.
This is why I couldn't be a nurse or a doctor. A lot of Filipinos are in the medical field, and it would have been great to be one of them. Perpetuating the stereotype. But I wouldn't be able to give shots or take blood or something. I would probably pass out in front of the patient. So that was something that was never really a consideration.
I can't recall another blood test during high school. It's possible I had one and totally erased it from memory. At some point around college, I think I got another one. I was feeling all right after it, but the nurse must have seen how uncomfortable I looked and she gave me smelling salts. I didn't know what it was. She just said to put it to my nose and take a deep breath. Boy, did it wake me. But I bet not a lot of people need that.
That was probably the last time I had blood work for a very long while.
And for a long time now, I have been worried about my health. I had stomach problems years ago, and my doctor gave me medicine for it and I seem to be better now. I didn't need to draw blood for that diagnosis. However, I also have been peeing a lot for the same amount of time, or even longer actually. It would be good if all you need was a urine test. But I had been putting off getting a consultation because I guessed blood work would be ultimately needed.
And I was right. Last year after New Year's, I resolved to be brave and get myself taken care of. I went to the doctor and told him. And yes, he recommended blood work. But yes, I was scared. And I knew I needed to fast, so I would be hungry. And I would have to figure out how to get to the lab and home. On an empty stomach first and then feeling queasy after. And I was too scared to admit to my wife about how terrified I was of the needle. So I kept putting it off and over a year later, I still hadn't gone.
Well, a few days ago, my kids had to take their blood test and my wife and I took them. They were so brave about it. They always have been. My younger one just sits there and goes, "Ow!" and that's it. After that, they're running around like normal. Playing hockey and doing other things. And I'm like, what am I so worried about? So I did make another doctor's appointment. I told my wife I needed her to take me. I explained how queasy I get and everything, and she seemed to understand. At least, she acted like it.
We went to the lab again the next day. This guy ahead of me goes in and when he comes out, he's just like walking like nothing happened. I could see the band aid on his arm. But he's just like so alert and full of energy. I'm thinking that I should be like that, too. But I knew I wouldn't be.
When I went in, I was a bit embarrassed to tell the nurse that I get queasy around blood. I don't know if she heard me or understood me. She put the needle in. I didn't look. I put my head down and covered my face with my right hand. I could feel my left hand getting numb. I hoped it would soon be over. I thought about how other things could be worse that could happen to a person. And then she put cotton over where the needle was and told me to hold it. I was relieved to see the needle was out. And just like that it was done.
I feel like a big baby about it. I tried to hide my uneasiness as I walked out and the other patients looked at me. I know I worry too much. I think too much. Maybe I have some kind of a psychosomatic condition. I was worried I would pass out crossing the street or be too lightheaded to notice a car coming at me. But I made it to our car. My kid was there, and he didn't even ask if I was okay or anything. Because of course I was. Why shouldn't I be? It shouldn't even be a question.
My wife had a banana nut bread waiting for me, and I ate it.
It actually was a big accomplishment for me though. I had been putting it off for too long. I hope I didn't wait too late. I know it's silly. Actually maybe stupid. But I do worry a lot. Not only of the process of the blood work but finding out the result, too. Which right now I am still waiting for. Hopefully it all turns out good. Or that is, hopefully we find out what is wrong with me and get it fixed. And again, hopefully, it's not too late.
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