I had a meeting earlier. It was on Chime, not on Zoom. I didn't realize it would be on Chime. I was expecting it to be on Zoom. But I didn't have the Chime app. So I had to use the browser. I wasn't able to set up my usual background, so I just turned on the blur. But it wasn't the same. You could still see the mess all around me. A little bit after I introduced myself, I turned off my camera. And of course, I'm always muted when I'm not talking.
Usually I always check that I am muted when I have to fart. I like to just let it all go. I like to force it out. Blast it. It feels more satisfying that way. So far I have not had an accident. I have always had the mic on mute. As far as I know. I hope so anyway.
I also poop with the door open, by the way. I forgot to mention that in yesterday's post. But I never poop during a meeting. It's just too weird. And definitely I wouldn't want to accidentally turn on the camera or something. One time I was at the gym on the treadmill and I mistakenly had the camera on for a second. I was all full of sweat and everything. I turned it off right away. I hope no one noticed.
Back when I was in high school, I used to hold in my farts all the time. I was too scared to even let it out silently. I didn't want to accidentally make a sound. So I would keep it in all day. And it messed up my stomach, I think. Even when I would go to the bathroom, it wouldn't just come out any longer after holding it in. I would always feel terrible by the time I got home. I don't think I was able to just release it either. It would take its time to come out.
Anyways, long story short, whenever I'm home alone and I feel the need, I just let it go. It feels so freeing for me now after suffering all through high school. I think in college and at the office, it got a little better. Definitely when I had my own edit room, it was good when I was alone in there and I was just able to release it. And then when I got to work in other offices and other jobs, I was able to go for a walk or excuse myself or something and do it quietly.
But high school was different. You were always surrounded by other people. You had to ask permission to go to the bathroom. And again, by the time you go there, it had already kinda settled in your stomach after holding it in for so long.
I don't know why I couldn't let it out silently. I didn't like the thought of other people smelling it. And again, I was too scared of making a sound and being found out. I just think and worry too much I guess. I don't know why I'm writing about this, but it just feels good to let it out.
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