Final Cut Bro: Queer queries.

Through my years at work, I've been pretty good at small talk with clients.  It's a pretty useful skill when you have to kill some time while fiddling around with wires like a blind man in an orgy rendering, compressing, burning, uploading, downloading, etc.  And usually it's just nice to get to know them a little more.

One of my regulars usually comes and sits with me for a few hours.  Recently, however, he booked time for two days straight.  Things have always gone relatively smooth before because most of the projects had been just a few minutes long.  This time, however, the video we edited was about an hour.

That means it would take at least that amount of time to compress it to DVD.  And then some more to burn it and make copies.  I explained all this to him.  But wouldn't you know it, he wanted to wait anyway.  He paid for the studio time, of course.

What followed was a barrage of non sequiturs in the form of questions.  I was already aware of this character's quirk, but it was fairly manageable in small doses.  He was endlessly thinking out loud in interrogative sentences.  In the words of The Dude, he's like a child who wanders into the middle of a movie and wants to know.

Here are some examples:

Do they still make CD burners? 

Why do you have two monitors? 

Who supplies your DVDs? 

Are these Halls for me?  (This is after he has been digging into the bowl all morning.  He then points out that there's an empty wrapper in there and that I should throw it out.  I tell him I didn't put that there.  He says he put it there.  And then he throws it out.) 

Did you see the Woody Allen documentary?  (I say no.)  Do you know if it was on film or digital?  (I tell him that I wouldn't know, seeing as I wasn't even aware of it.) 

Do you get DHL coming in here? Who do you use for your deliveries? Do you use the post office? UPS? 

Are you working Thursday and Friday? 

How long is "The Godfather"? 

(Before we take a lunch break)  Is it gonna be the Greek place today or McDonald's? 

(Reading Rolling Stone) Who do you think has a longer career, rock musician or classical musician? 

(After his phone rings) How do you make this off?  (He presses a button.) I just learned something. 

Do you have one of those iPhones?  (I say no, blackberry.) Oh, a blackberry. But can you talk on it, too? What does your wife have?

The next day, I come to the office and find him waiting for me, and he says, "David, you're always on time.  Did you know I was coming?"  And finally at the end of the session: "What are you gonna do next?"

It might seem pretty benign, but there were plenty more mind-numbing questions that I've left out.  This is why they pay me the big bucks to be a Final Cut editor.  And so, my friends, as the old proverb goes, if you don't know, you better ax somebody!

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