Envious

So yesterday, I wrote a post titled "Jealous".  Actually, it should have been called "Envious".  There's a difference.  Envious is wanting something you don't have, while jealous is being afraid to lose what you already have.  If I remember correctly.

When I first started this blog many years ago, there used to be a feature called Next Blog or something.  You would hit the button and it would randomly lead you to another blog.  At least, it seemed random.  But there must have been some kind of algorithm to it.

For some reason every time I was on my page and I hit the next button, most of the time the following blog would be a random stay at home mom.  They would write about what they would be doing with her kids that day.  Sometimes they would have pictures of their nice homes.  And yes, I did feel envious of that.  At the time, I was stuck in a dead end job and didn't really have a lot of days off and I just wished I had more time with my kid.  Things have gotten better for me these days, and I get to work from home and spend a lot of time with my two kids now.

I was also envious that they got to keep up with their blog.  I wished I had more time to write.  I wished I had more to write about.  And then I don't know what they did to this website but none of that matters now because that feature is gone.  You can't really find random blogs anymore.  I don't know how you even found this page.

It looks like they actually took away other features, too, by the way.  Like I can't seem to find where to schedule posts anymore.  It's been a while since I've been on here that much so I don't know what else they did.  I'm not sure why they would take that stuff away.  Maybe they're stupid.

Like most people, I haven't been able to keep up with the blogging.  Actually there were some blogs I found back then where the latest entry was just about how long it's been since they wrote and how they would do their best to keep up more.  One of the reasons I wasn't able to do that is because I kind of wanted my posts to be as perfect as they can.  I wanted a clever title and something really deep to write about.  But now I'm just basically writing for the heck of it.  I don't care too much about grammar or typos these days.  Looking back at my old posts, I actually have a bunch of mistakes there anyway.  And I wanted to be able to wrap up my thoughts succinctly.  I wanted to have some kind of a point at the end.  But nowadays I don't mind if I kind of trail off.  Or if I just stop abruptly.