e Props

This is something I wrote back in 2004.  I really like it, for some reason.  I think because it was just a random thing that happened while I was typing away.  I call it "e Props" because it's lifted from my old xanga site and I don't know what else to name it.


my final.  an essay.  don't know what to say.  no, no.  it is vital, though.  on my cd player, i am listening to slayer.  loosening, but atempting to write.  it is tempting so.  i am dying to write this right.  trying, trying.  tiring, tiring.  just the same shit.  fishing for some wit.  wishing i could play drums again.  reviving my dreams again.  reliving the stories of the past.  and the glories and the girlies that didn't last.  nothing new.  must work on it now.  just a week before it's due.  still one more to do today.  maybe two.


12/03/04


While we're at it, this was my friend's comment:

This is Genius!
i didn't know you had poetry in you.

Posted 12/3/2004 3:09 PM

And this was my response to his comment:

i was bored. Posted 12/4/2004 10:39 AM

In good company.

As the year ends, I just wanted to share some good news regarding my job.  Sort of good news, which is better than sort of bad news.  At this time last year, I didn't know whether our company would still exist the next day.  At times, my pay would come in late, which would throw off my budget.  I haven't had to worry about this for a while.

Business has been picking up ever so slowly, which is better than business going down.  In addition there will be some changes with our business model, which should get us even more customers.  We might get some new equipment, too, but we still have to see about that.

There's a slight chance I may get a raise, but at this point, I'll settle for the slight improvement in job security.  It's a lot better than being less secure or taking a paycut.  There are still some concerns in the back of my mind, and I would probably take the next available job in a heartbeat if offered.  But right now, I'm just damn happy to be employed.  Thank God.

Is your baby stupid???

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Without "Your Baby Can Read!" your baby cannot read.  So get "Your Baby Can Read!" so your baby can read.  Hurry up and salvage whatever ounce of hope you can for your child.  Get the incredible "Your Baby Can Read!" baby reading system.

A day in the park.

I took my son to the park earlier this week, and when we got there, there happened to be a bunch of teenage boys jumping around on the playground sets.  Of course, none of the little kids who were playing came anywhere close to them.  The parents who were there, either sitting on the benches or playing with their kids, acted as though those teens didn't exist.

I myself try to avoid confrontations as much as possible, so I looked around for patrol cars who routinely drive by the area sometimes.  I didn't see any.  For some reason, I thought that there were emergency callboxes at the playsets; there are a couple of pieces there that look like they have speakers on them but after examining them, they didn't turn out to be callboxes.  Maybe they actually were speakers for emergency announcements but I couldn't actually get in touch with somebody that way.

At that point, I was only a few feet away from the teens, and I found myself asking them if they realized what they were doing, that it was potentially dangerous for the little kids there.  I didn't mean to do it, but somehow I ended up arguing with them.  One of them politely replied that they don't mean any harm.  I told them that that wasn't the point, and that the playground wasn't built for that purpose.  After a few minutes, I became frustrated and lost my cool.  I ended up yelling and cursing which finally got them to walk away.

I sat on a picnic table next to the playground with my family.  I realized I needed to calm down.  The teens congregated at another picnic table away from us.  After a few minutes, two of them went to each parent and apologized.

They came up to me last and apologized as well.  I said sorry for yelling and cursing.  I sat down for a few more minutes before finally taking my son to the playsets to play.

So it turned out fine in the end.  What still bothers me, however, is the fact that none of the other parents said something to these teens.  It was as if I was the wrong one for confronting them in the first place.  And as I was in the middle of my discussion with these teens, no one bothered to stand up, investigate, say something.  Everybody was just perfectly content to look away and pretend nothing was happening, when they were jumping around the place and after I've confronted them.

If you're a parent, what would you have done in that situation?  I didn't know what kind of people they were, but I knew they weren't supposed to be climbing, yelling and jumping around a playground for little children.  I should have gone ahead and looked for a park ranger or called the police or something.  I certainly don't think it's fine to just sit there and pretend they didn't exist.

Anyway, once those teens left, those parents' kids were sure quick to return to the playset they vacated.

It's for you.

So I guess I don't need to know who the fuck I'm talking to before I pick up the phone, right?  My boss just never bothers to ask anymore.  Somebody will call for me and he'll just buzz me, "It's for you."  Gee thanks, boss.

Meanwhile, we're screening all these calls for him because he owes so many people so much money.

I just wanted to get that out of my system.  Sorry for cursing.

Something important.

So I get an instant message this morning from my dad's sister.  "This is your aunt.  I need to talk about something important."  I freakin' clicked the ignore button.

You don't know me.  I don't know what you think is important, and I don't care.  Keep your problems to yourself please.

And if you have something good to offer me - like furniture or something - well, thanks but no thanks.  I don't hear from you, my closest relative geographically (apart from my mother), for so many years growing up.  And now you want to act like an aunt towards me?

Please.

I don't even care whose life is at stake, to be honest with you.  I have enough problems of my own.  And I don't wanna owe you a goddamn thing either.

Can't think of a title.

One of the reasons why I don't post here so much is because I always want to have a clever and appropriate title.  And I end up thinking so much about it that I actually forget the main points of what I wanted to write about.  Anyway, in an effort to post more often, I won't worry so much about it anymore and try to just jot down my thoughts as they come.

I'm gonna try to be more like Doogie Howser and write something down at the end of the show.  Oh man, now that show's theme song is stuck in my head.  I wish I had a band so we could write a punk cover of it.

I just wanted to write that things have been great lately.  Fatherhood is amazing.  To paraphrase what one of my clients said, I highly suggest finding a woman and trying it.

I've actually been pretty much genuinely happy.  The only thing that gets in the way is my fear of losing this joy.  The uncertainly at work is the biggest weight.  What would I do if I didn't have a job?

However, lately I've learned to just ignore the worries and take life as it comes.  I've just been having fun with my family, my co-workers and even my clients.

My son can stand by himself now.  It's only for about a second, but once in a while you'll catch him just standing in place.  The other night he did it and stared at me with this intense Bruce Lee expression.

He's been crawling pretty fast now.  Sometimes I'll turn around and suddenly he's not there anymore.  He's in the other room making trouble with his aunt.

He's had two lower teeth for a few months now, and he's currently growing two upper teeth.  It's really cute.  I love the little guy.

It's amazing how much he's changed from the little thing we brought home ten months ago.  And it's amazing how our lives have changed since then.

Workin' Dem Corners

So, in order to drum up some business, the powers that be at work thought up this idea of printing out coupons.  I volunteered to stand outside Manhattan Mall and hand them out, and I was there a couple of times this week.  At first, it was a little awkward, just not knowing exactly where to stand and with the paper coupon being blown all about in the wind.  But I soon got the hang of it.

I decided to just stand by the wall at Bank of America and focus only on the people going southward.  That way I didn't have to keep turning.  And then I learned that some people do want to take what you're giving them.  With the wind blowing, I just made sure I handed off the paper right into their hands.  In about a half hour, the pile was gone.

There are millions of people in this city, and even though most wouldn't take, there are always others who will.  It was also nice just to stand there in a busy section, not hurrying to be anywhere in particular, and just look at the people as they come and go.  It was actually refreshing to look at people's faces, and a couple actually talked to me.

I'm not sure whether the coupons are working though.  So far, only one came back to our office.  Many of the people out there are tourists, and some don't speak (or read) English.  Others probably took a quick glance at the coupon and figured we where a video store.  And video stores are becoming obsolete.  So I don't know.

We had a meeting the other day, and we were asked to come up with ways to make money now.  And I was thinking, if we knew of a way to bring people in this instant, we would have done it already.  The only ways we know of - and are fairly certain about - require some groundwork.  But those suggestions are ignored because they wouldn't bring in clients right this instant.

I don't know.  I might not have a job in a few weeks.  I am currently applying at other places.  It's scary.

Hello.

I haven't written in this blog in months. I've been a little busy. Or sometimes I would have... um... that thing... uh... writer's block.

Well, I just spent the Thanksgiving holiday at home, four straight days with my family. I was playing with my son, and he crawled all the way from the living room to the kitchen, then to the bedroom, and turned purposely towards the bathroom. It was awesome! He is now 8 months old and has gone through so many changes.

And I thought, if I had written about him trying to sit up, attempting to hold his own bottle, or crawling backwards, I would have had an account of his experiences at that stage, as well as mine and my wife.

So I think I'm going to try this time to actually keep up with this blog.

I think my last entry was in September. Since then, my wife has earned her driver's license, and it's been a great relief for me. As for her, she is still adjusting to having to share the road with idiots, but overall, I think she enjoys being able to drive. The most important thing, though, is that she doesn't have to wait for me to pick them up, take them to the doctor's, or have to wait for me when there's an emergency.

As I have mentioned, my son can now hold his own bottle, sit up and balance himself, and crawl throughout the house. He can also raise himself up to a standing position, which really scared his teacher at the daycare yesterday because she didn't know this. I think they were decorating for Christmas, and I guess he was crawling on the floor. When she turned around, my son was on his feet, holding on the sides of the cribs, moving slowly sideways from one to the other. She was shocked. They said it was an advanced skill for his age.

At work, things are still slow. Certain truths were revealed to me about the company's financial state, and I must say, it's pretty scary. I don't know what I would do if we go out of business. We even considered printing out coupons and handing them out on street corners. We ended up just sending emails to our clients.

I ran into an old friend on the train one day. He works as an IT for the New York Times, and he sometimes deals with their job postings. He said he'll let me know if they have any openings. That would be nice. I hope I hear from him soon.

My grandfather died. I didn't have the resources to go back to the Philippines. Or to even send money and help with the funeral.

The Jets started off the season great, but now they barely have a chance to make the playoffs.

Manny Pacquiao won his bout against Cotto, and my neighbors across the street could be heard hooting that night. Woo, woo, woo!

El Fino called me a couple of times. He seems to always remember my birthday. I never answer my phone, especially if the caller is unknown. Other times, I just so rarely talk on the phone that I just forget about it until I have to leave home. He left me a voicemail and said that sometimes I should just take a chance and say hello. Good point.

Insurance

I got married last Friday. Just a small ceremony at the courthouse. The whole thing took 3 minutes. We went to McDonald's after for breakfast. We were joking around that that was the reception. It was a rainy day, and the judge said that was a good thing because it'll be nothing but sunshine after.

I don't really feel that much different. I don't think you need a wedding to prove that you love somebody. And half of the married people in America get divorced anyway. So I don't know that having a ceremony even ensures anything. And besides, our families are far away from us. Mine is in the Philippines, and hers is in Oahu.

I was planning on having a traditional Hawaiian wedding like that Jon & Kate episode. We would have it on our anniversary on September 9 of this year. Then our marriage date would be 09-09-09. That would have been cool. And easy to remember.

However, that would have cost money. And not that I have any more time to take off from work. And of course, the fall semester would just be starting, which is a busy time for Gail.

So when Gail's mom was here a couple of months ago, we decided to tie the knot while she was here. We asked for her blessing. She said to make sure it's what we wanted, and that we weren't doing it because of Ryan. So I said, "Of course not. I'm doing it for the health insurance!" Just kidding.

Anyway, we went and got the license. Of course, it takes time to process, and Mommy was leaving for Alabama already. So unfortunately, she couldn't be there for the wedding. Then we figured, okay, Gail's cousin BJ is coming over here to study, so let's schedule it after she gets here. She'll represent the family.

Fast forward, and now I'm wearing this wedding band on my finger. I gotta get used to it. I don't really wear rings or other kinds of jewelry. The last time I had one was during my heavy metal look phase late in high school and early in college when I always dressed in my black Slayer shirts, long chains and my skull choker and matching cross-bones ring. (I still listen to metal but don't bother with the look any more.) I've already been yelled at a couple of times for forgetting to wear it. Man, I sure hope I don't lose this thing.

That's the only thing that's changed really. This thing on my finger. I feel like I've been married to Gail since we started in 2005. And we've been living together for a long time already anyway. But now I can officially call her my wife. And she's changing her last name to mine. And we'll keep loving each other and loving Ryan and make seven more babies like Jon & Kate Plus Eight.

Metropolitan

Happy Father's Day to everyone!

Today is my first Father's Day as a dad, and I just fed my three-month old son four ounces of milk.  He is now in his crib sleeping peacefully in his cute little New York Jets jersey.  It finally fits!  I actually bought it for him when he was still about two weeks old in his mommy's belly.  These days he's quickly outgrowing his newborn clothes, so I made sure he got to wear this one and take some pictures in it.

Last week we bought him three New York Mets onesies, but they're still a little big for him even though they were the smallest size we could find.  Hopefully, by the time they fit late this summer, the Mets will be playing in some meaningful games.

I was never a baseball fan growing up.  I did go for Little League once in the Philippines.  There was this white American guy teaching us how to stand in the box and hold the bat and stuff.  I remember he kept insisting we just talk to him in our own dialect - which he understood but didn't speak - instead of our awkward sounding English.

It went okay, I guess.  And I don't know what happened, but I just never went back for some reason.  Weeks later in school, my friends were deciding who should play what position in the field.  They were saying, "Ryan* should play first base, Robert* should play second, and Sunny* should play shortstop."  And I just remember thinking, "What's a shortstop?"  I never asked them, though.  

I don't remember if they included me in there.  I think they did.  I remember them asking me to be at the field on Saturday.  I never did show up.  I was too busy riding my bike, I think.  I simply forgot.  It must have had something to do with my mom not being around, because she would have been on top of it.  But at that time she had already left to work in the States.

As for my dad?  Well, I'm not too fond of the guy.  I'm not too sure how I feel about him exactly.  When I was a little boy, I used to actually pray that he would die.  That's bad, yeah?  But I'm not sure if I really had enough reason to feel that way or if I was overreacting.  I'm not too sure.  I'm still thinking about it.

Not that we didn't have some good times.  But they were few and far between.  Or they would start out to be happy but turn out otherwise.

Once when I was nine, my mom sent us some baseballs and gloves, and my dad, my two older brothers and I went outside to play catch.  I've never played catch before in my life, and I definitely wasn't used to wearing a mitt or catching with my left hand.  (If you're right-handed, you have to catch with your glove on your left hand so you can throw with the right one.)

So my brother throws the ball to me, and it goes past my glove and straight to my sternum.  I couldn't breathe.  And instead of teaching me how to catch the damn thing properly, my dad and my brothers laughed.  And so I was never that crazy about baseball from that day.

Three years later, and I finally went to live with my mom in Queens, New York.  This was in 1991.  We were living in a nice house with my aunt, uncle and little cousin.  My uncle was Irish.  A white guy.  And I never understood what he found so interesting with baseball that he would sit on the couch for hours and watch the Yankees lose.

My uncle and I were never close.  I'm not too sure of why that is.  I think I was just too different for him.  He offered me chocolate pudding one time, and I refused to try it.  He gave me this odd "Are you insane?" look.  He seemed to think it was the greatest thing in the world, and he was excited for me to try it.  It just looked too damn squishy for me, okay?  Sorry, but I'm not interested.  So yeah, I think that disappointed him.  I was definitely not a typical American kid.

We moved out after a couple of months, and my mom and I lived in a small apartment in New Jersey.  It was there in 1995 when, having nothing else to watch, I tuned in to a baseball playoff game.  It was actually pretty exciting.  I watched Buck Showalter's Yankees lose to Tino Martinez and the Seattle Mariners.

The next year, I watched the same Tino Martinez win the World Series with the Yankees.  And on my birthday, too!  I started watching more baseball since then.

I never paid attention to the Mets, though.  The Yankees would go on to have the most wins ever in a single season, as well as another championship in 1998, and the Mets were just that other team in the city.

Until Mike Piazza arrived.  He was traded to the Mets in 1998, and they were gonna be a good team now, and I wanted them to be a good team, too.  So I followed along from time to time and rooted for them.

In 2000, the Mets made it to the World Series, and they played against the Yankees.  I actually found myself rooting for the Mets.  I figured the Yankees already had three rings out of the last four.  The Mets lost, of course, and they haven't been that successful since then.

But I'm still a Mets fan, and I hope I can bring my son to CitiField soon.  And someday, I hope to coach him in Little League and teach him the fundamentals.  For now I'll just watch the games on TV with the volume low so the noise doesn't wake him.

Dave's World

I'm sitting here in my office watching DVDs, as things have been slow at work lately. Actually, for a long time now. In fact, we even moved to a new space in order to cut costs. The boss signed the lease so hastily that he didn't even consider the wiring of the place, and we short out the circuits whenever we use the microwave, which is all the time, as we all pretty much brown bag it every day.

As far as my office, it's not the most ideal for a Video Editor. The shades are so thin and the lighting is so bright, that I've pretty much been getting major headaches everyday. It's not easy staring at a monitor with sunlight behind it, and there's pretty much no other place to put it as we are physically limited.

I've been asking my boss for thicker shades since we moved in here a month ago, and he keeps saying he'll get right on it. But he's here three days a week, and he spends his four-day weekends in Florida. So I finally decided to grab some cardboard boxes and propped them up against the window. They help ever so slightly, and it makes me feel that at least I did something about it. But it doesn't look very professional, and there's still a glare coming in from the inside lighting.

Recently, I've been telling our clients, "We're a no-frills company. We don't have a big space, couches, rugs, plasma TVs or vending machines, but we do offer experience and expertise." That kind of bullshit.

I would take another job in a heartbeat, but there is no other job to take. Unless I start out as an intern or freelance. And I need the steady paycheck, as I have a three-month old son at home. But more and more these days, I'm considering taking a chance as a freelancer. The situation at work is getting scary, and I don't know if one day my boss will just say, "Sorry, guys, we're done." Then where would I be?

My fiancé is getting promoted next month, although we're not sure how much more she'll be getting. We're hoping it would be twice the amount, but it's highly unlikely. Once we find out, then maybe we can make better decision for me career-wise.

In the meantime, I'll just sit here and watch episodes of "Dave's World." I remember enjoying it when it first aired on CBS in the 90s. But I was still in the eighth grade back then. Not that it's not funny. I just thought I would be laughing more.

Also, for some reason, they changed the theme song from a version of Billy Joel's "You May Be Right" to some slower instrumental, which just doesn't fit. The title sequence has a dog running around and craziness ensuing, and the music to it should be a little more upbeat. I wonder why they changed it. Maybe they're suffering from the recession, too, and didn't want to pay the residuals.