Commuter Illiterate: Don't hate, motivate.

Here is a case where this post's category actually applies.  There are actually commuters out there who are illiterate.  There are many who don't understand English.  I wonder what those people will think when they see cute little animals all over the PATH train later on this year.

The above are two examples of motivational posters that the Port Authority Trans-Hudson is reportedly planning to unleash on the public.  It is supposed to motivate people to be nice to each other.  Commuters who encounter these pictures will be overcome with warmth and kindness and be inclined to be nice to each other.  I asked Santa for peace on earth, and it looks like he has enlisted the PATH system to make it come true.

Commuter Illiterate: See you later, escalator.

Many times have I stood on an escalator and wanted to shout out loud, "What is this, an amusement ride?" Some people seem to think so.  Well, I'm sorry but that is not how we view this device around these parts.

New Yorkers are busy people.  "When in Rome," as they say, "you do as the Romans do."  In New York and its surrounding areas, you do not stand on the escalator.  Not when there is a swarm of commuters behind you.  Not if you are an able-bodied person.  Not if I just saw you run towards the escalator and shove yourself in front of everybody.  Generally, we'll tolerate it if you're obviously elderly or physically challenged, but we would like to remind you that they do have elevators at the station.

It seems silly, I know.  The escalator is already moving.  Why expend energy when the machine already does the work for you?  How much time can you really save by walking on an escalator?  Well, basically, the faster we get through there, the farther away we can be from people like you who need to ask those kinds of questions.

Now if you happen to come upon a moving stairway wide enough to accommodate two lines of people, notice that those who chose to stand, do so on the right side.  They wisely keep the left side clear for those who prefer to keep moving.  If you happen to be one of these people standing on the left side, remember the old saying, "Lead, follow or get out of the way".

When you finally get to the top or bottom of the escalator, please do not stop.  You may not know where you're going, or you may simply want to take a breath since the narrow confines of the moving stairway can be claustrophobic, whatever the reason may be, please move along.  You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.  There happens to be a mass of commuters being herded towards you by the conveyor from which you have just alighted.  They have no choice but to head towards the space you are currently occupying.  Please choose to wisely step aside if you feel disoriented.

If you can't follow these simple suggestions, you may have to stay home during rush hour or move to a different city.  Otherwise, you'll have to endure loud sighs and eye rolls as you block our path to or from work.  Even worse, we may even blog about you.  So there.

Commuter Illiterate: Another avid reader.

You may have seen this person.  She traverses along the streets of the city like the rest of us.  What makes her different, however, is that she can read while walking.  She relies on peripheral vision to get to her destination.

She is a busy New Yorker.  Too busy to look where she's going.  She hasn't got time to waste on minor details like watching for potholes, fellow commuters or traffic.  She is a multi-tasker.

Boy, that must be a real engrossing book she is poring over.  That is why she cannot tear herself away from it.  But just like the rest of us, she has to rush to work as well.  No time to sit on that empty bench over there to finish that one last chapter.

How educated you look as you fill your mind with knowledge.  You must be so much smarter than the rest of us regular folk.  That is clearly evident by how you are so into books.

If I had a cookie I would give it to you.

Commuter Illiterate: The avid reader.

Have you seen this person?  This is that man (or woman) who just simply has to read his fucking Metro.  What he hopes to gain from it, I don't know.  It seems important enough that he will risk his life and those of others in order to peruse the two paragraphs of knowledge devoted to each article.

Is he a stock broker reading the Wall Street Journal?  No, he is reading the fucking Metro.  Is he keeping up with current events on the New York Times?  No.  It's.  The.  Fucking.  Metro.

It is not worth stumbling about the train car as you struggle to flip the pages and fold it instead of using one of your hands to grab onto something and keep yourself steady.  It's the fucking Metro.  Or AM New York.  There is nothing pressing on there that warrants you to jostle the other passengers as you hop about the crowded train car.

Put it away.  Close your eyes.  Stare at the wall. You don't need to read it.  It's the fucking Metro.

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Commuter Illiterate: Out standing.

So yesterday, I get off the train and walk along the platform with the masses at the 33rd Street station.  We turn around a corner towards the stairs, and there's these two ladies standing there talking away.  They were chatting about their holiday plans and what not.

See that crowd in the picture?  Imagine they are are all in a rush trying to get to work.  Now imagine two morons standing in the middle gabbing about their lives.

I don't know how long they had been there, but at that point, they didn't seem to realize that there were other people there, having to walk around them.  The swarm of commuters was diverging around them and they didn't notice it.  Where they simply oblivious, or did they simply not care?

I guess we'll just never know because we all had places to go.  Is it too much to expect people not to stand in the way in a busy area of midtown Manhattan?  Maybe it is, and we'll just have to deal with.

Some people ignored them.  Some people shook their heads.  As I walked by, I spoke out loud, "You're standing in the way!"  I don't know if they heard me.  I don't know if they moved.  But it felt good to say something and go on my merry way.

Commuter Illiterate: The leaning pole.

These posts are not actually about travelers who can't read.  They are devoted to those whom we have to put up with on the buses, trains and sidewalks because they don't realize there are other people who are commuting with them.  I have nothing against illiterate people, but I just couldn't think of anything else more cleverer.  These are the oblivious, the inconsiderate, the insane.

So let's start.  The PATH trains have these poles in middle of the car.  Those are for the use of everyone.  They are to hold on to as the train moves so the passengers are not hurled about from one side to another.

They are not, however, intended for the express purpose of leaning onto.  If the train was empty like the picture below, this may be perfectly acceptable.  But not at rush hour.  Absolutely not.  They were not placed there for the use of one person alone, but for a group of people.

So if you are one of these people who may have assumed that this is a "leaning pole", you are wrong.  And now you know.  And so you must realize that those people grabbing around you to stabilize themselves are not crazy for invading your space.  So don't roll your eyes or look annoyed, as the crowd struggles to reach home safely.  Take a step back and hold onto the pole with one hand like the rest of civilization.

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