Ootsh

Oots!  Or, ootch!  Or, ootsh!

It's a sound my older son makes when he gets up from the couch.  Like an old man.  Or when he's lifting groceries.  I can't describe exactly how he sound like, but that's what he would say.

Actually, I haven't heard him say it that much lately.  He has been pretty busy with schoolwork.  He is doing homework most of the time when I see him at home.  He is a sophomore in high school now in a pretty demanding school.   It's kind of like Coles Academic High School in Miss Marvel, if you've ever seen it.  Except it's not literally a magnetic school, as far as I know.  I don't think metallic stuff are attracted to it.

Anyways, my son often will sit at the dining room table doing homework.  He might stall by playing games on his phone, and I would tell him he is doing a great job and he would thank me.  Then sometimes he would also have a tablet playing a video or something.  And then when his little brother sits there to eat dinner or do his own homework, they would each be on their own devices.  They could have at least three going at once sometimes.  The younger one and I usually go to sleep earlier than he and his mom, and he would still be sitting there late at night.

Other times, he would be on the couch in the living room.  The other day, he was doing homework on his Chromebook and he had a movie going on the his mom's laptop on the coffee table.  It was "101 Dalmatians".  This was I think on Sunday.  I passed by a few times, and the movie was always going.  His little brother was playing near him, and apparently they watched it over and over.

He is fifteen now, but he is still just a big kid.  I was pleasantly surprised that that was the movie he chose to watch.  Sometimes his little brother would have a show going that is meant for little kids, like "Kipper" or something like that, and he would pause and watch for a bit.  I like when he mentions that he remembers the episode and what happens.  A couple of his teammates' parents sometimes ask for advice on what to do when their kid stays out late and what time we set our curfew, and I'm like, I don't know, I don't have that problem.

Sometimes, he will be in his room doing homework with the door closed.  I was actually the one who suggested to him to bring his laptop to bed so he could just close his eyes and go to sleep when it's very late.  I kinda sorta regret that because since then he has been in his room alone a lot more.  Even though I don't bother him when he is downstairs, it is still good to see him around.  When I wake up in the middle of the night, I check if he is awake by the light coming out from under his door.  When I see that it is dark, I am relieved to know that he is getting his rest.

When he wakes up early in the morning to get ready for school, I usually just say good morning and try not to inundate him with too much stuff so soon.  As much as I want to always talk to him and know what is going on, I try to be concise and give him his peace.  And then when he actually talks to me and opens up, it's great and it's not forced.  And then soon enough he is off to school again. 

With the two boys at school and the wife having returned to the office, I am home alone most days.  I do some chores in between my work and online meetings.  Sometimes when I pick up after their mess like their clothes off the floor or something, I say, "Ootsh" to no one but myself.

And Another Dream

I was in some kind of a studio apartment.  It was ground level.  It reminded me of one of my old acquaintance's place from a few years ago.  She was a singer in a band, and she lived with her girlfriend.  It was a railroad type place but there were no walls from the front to the back.

Anyways, in the dream, I had I guess a roommate type.  He was off near the middle by the bed or table or something.  I can't remember what, but he was doing something.  I had the feeling of not wanting to disturb him.  Or trying to finish what I was doing so I could join him.

I was near the front of the place.  I was doing something on the wall.  It looked like an Adobe Premiere panel.  That's a video editing software.  But instead of a computer, the panel was on the wall and I was manually placing stuff on it by hand.  While the app would have thumbnails, I was placing pictures on a timeline on that physical wall.

I was syncing audio files.  So these little pictures were lined up on the timeline one below the other.  For some reason, I needed them synced (or sunk, as my old film professor used to say) even though once done, I would just delete them.  They were like music files of live songs, which I didn't want to keep.

There were other parts to the dream after it, but I can't remember it now.  Funnily enough, I didn't really get a good night's rest because I would constantly wake up and think about what I just dreamt.  Maybe I should have written it down right away, but I didn't.  I was thinking about what I would write down, which gave me trouble getting back to sleep.

Eventually, more and more light was coming into the bedroom.  I did not feel rested by daylight.  My kids had been sick this week, especially the older one.  I brought him to urgent care, and they found that he had influenza A.  The doctor lady, or more specifically, the P.A. (whatever that is), confirmed it and prescribed medication for him.  I think it was Tamiflu or something.  And then she asked if we lived together and said I would probably get the flu also in the coming days.

Well, I was feeling fine until then.  And then somehow that suggestion started making me feel ill.  I started feeling things in my throat and needing to blow my nose a lot.  Then yesterday morning, my body just kind of felt sore.  I wasn't really feverish, but I felt some parts of my body to be hotter than usual.

I couldn't get to sleep easily last night.  Even after I took melatonin.  I was still up for another hour or so.  I had dreams, but it was like nothing was happening.  I can't remember the specific events now, but it was just like the characters and I were just waiting around for something.  

I wish I could remember more of it.

Another Dream

Okay.  Another dream from last night.  Or early this morning.

Starting from what I can remember, I was driving.  I was alone in the car.  I was in some suburban road, no traffic.  I was heading home.

I turned left from one street into a multi lane road.  There was a car that seemed to come from behind me.  It went past me.  Not too fast or anything.  Just regular speed.  And then it took the right lane to turn or exit right.  I just relaxed and paid no mind and let it go, knowing I was heading straight.  As I drove on, there were two or three cars about to turn from that lane.

I was quite sure that wasn't where I was going.  I felt like I would have to turn right myself in a couple of blocks, but not there.  I was confident and didn't even look at the map on my phone.  I seemed to have my music app at the time.  As I passed the intersection, I then checked the map on my phone, and it was indicating I should have turned there.

I kept driving without panicking.  But I did think about maybe turning around or something.  As I passed another street, I saw a sign for halo-halo.  If you don't know what that is, it is a popular cold dessert in the Philippines.  It was a blue-ish or purplish sign nailed to a telephone pole.  I turned right into the driveway by which the sign was placed.  I figured I might as well check out this place while I was there.

By the way, I haven't had halo-halo in years.  I think the last time I tried it was at the old Jollibee, and it wasn't so good.  They had pre-made it, and the crushed ice kind of melted together and kind of formed into a more solid piece.  And it was placed inside a cheap plastic cup, so it was tough to kind of stab at the ice to try and crush it without worrying about bursting the cup.  Also, my kids were never into it the few times I had them try it.  I think the last time I really enjoyed it was many many years ago at Little Quiapo.  I must have still had been in college at the time.

Back to the dream.  I pulled into the driveway, and in the end was the halo-halo place restaurant.  They kind of had wooden, maybe bambooish tables and chairs, but it wasn't that clear in the dream.  Somehow, without exiting the car, I was suddenly inside the little restaurant, seated at a table.  I don't remembering ordering but someone served me.  Only it wasn't halo-halo I was given.  It was ramen.  It was almost like the two were the same thing.

Anyways, it was served to me in a clear plastic bag, almost like cellophane, but rectangle or square shaped.  Somehow the plastic was holding the ramen and the dark soupy water underneath it together.  It didn't seem to be a problem.  But I also remembering wondering if I should suggest to the proprietor maybe getting a bowl shaped plastic container, but I wasn't sure how much they would cost or whatever.

It was only after I woke up and thought about it and realized that the bowl shaped plastic container actually exists, and we actually got it from one of the ramen places from which we had ordered delivery a few times before.  That is about all I can remember.  I'm sure there were other events before the driving, but as of now, they have been erased from my memory.  I got up and checked the time, and it was almost 6am.  I lay back down and closed my eyes but never actually got back to sleep.

Interestingly, I had been eating ramen most days this week.  It has been cold here, and we had gotten temps as low as 10F, so the hot ramen has helped warm me up. 

A Dream

I had a pretty interesting dream last night.  I want to write it down to remember as much as I can.  A lot had been going on already but here is what I can still recall.

We were at someone's house.  It was somewhat big, with multiple floors.  There was some kind of celebration or get together, and apparently it was for me.  There were no longer a lot of people at this point.  Maybe there were more earlier in the dream, but I can't remember it.  

I was walking down the house, and I heard somebody washing dishes or something.  It was a shirtless man older than me.  He seemed to be like my dad but I didn't get a clear look at his face.  But it was like a fatherly figure.  Or maybe unclely.  Is that a word?  I kinda said something like for him not to do the dishes because I would do it, but he was saying no, that he would.  He was kind of saying that it was not that much, and then somebody kind of corrected him and said no, those are all dirty.  

That person was my eldest brother.  For some reason, he didn't have a shirt either.  I thanked him because he was the one who put the party or get together together.  But again, there were not a lot of people left there by this point.  I was with somebody though.  It was my wife or one of my kids or something.  I think it may have been my older son, and I think earlier in the dream I may have been looking for him around the house because it was time to go or something.  I remember hugging my older brother to thank him, but it was like I was looking at me and him instead of actually experiencing the embrace, if that makes sense.

And then we were kind of just outside.  It felt like we were in the Philippines.  There were some people there.  I remember thinking that even though I looked just like them, I probably stood out by my behavior or mannerisms.  And then I kind of walked past this garden like place by this row of bushes.  There were some people sitting around, people who knew me.  They were just relaxing, I guess.  

And then I walked past them, and the dream took a turn.  Suddenly I was in this rundown complex of apartments.  The building itself was rounded or circular.  The doors and walls had kind of fallen off and you could see from one unit to the other.  Some of the belongings were still there, but they were all rotten, dirty and disgusting.  It felt like it used to be an affluent neighborhood and that the people who used to live there were my current neighbors in America.  There was one long hallway that seemed to have been turned into a bedroom.  There was a blue or purpley bed on the floor, which was all rotten.  There were like moldy stains on the walls and floors that remained.

People were walking around the units like it was some kind of tour or attraction.  I was trying to imagine what the place had looked like before it had been run down.  I felt like I recognized what they used to be.  I was moving from one unit to another and seeing where the halls and bedrooms were.  I had expected every unit to have the same design but they were all slightly different.

There was one place I went into where I saw some disgusting rotten food stuffs.  One of them was in like a wide round tin container.  The stuff in it was yellow like scrambled eggs.  I remember feeling disgusted by them.  There were other stuff, but I can't remember them exactly.

And then suddenly, I was outside.  There was kind of somebody with me the whole time.  It felt like a childhood friend and I was kind of a child again.  (Earlier in the dream in the house, I felt like a young adult, maybe in my twenties.). We were by an outdoor faucet and there were people around us.  We were down on the ground trying to wash off the tin container.  I could see the water going over the substance, and as the yellow stuff came off, I could see things underneath it, kind of like vegetables or something.  I remember wondering why we were trying to wash it off and why I even grabbed the can in the first place.

That's kind of all I remember.  I woke up to use the restroom in the middle of the night, which is how I was able to recall this.  I tried to remember as much as I could, I probably couldn't have gotten back to sleep if I had tried harder.  It didn't bother me or anything.  I just thought it was interesting.

A Scene

There is this scene in "Code Unknown" that stuck with me.  There is this couple swimming in a pool.  They are having fun and kissing each other and stuff.  The pool is on a rooftop of a tall building.  They are the only ones there.  It seems to be directly connected to their apartment of condominium unit.  So it is a private pool.  They seem to be well to do.  Affluent.  They seem to be in love and rich and have everything they want.

We watch them in the water having the time of their lives.  And then it is revealed there is a young child in their home.  It is a boy of about maybe five years old.  He wanders off and climbs on top of the wall of the side of the tall building.  It is a short wall, about five feet hight.  As he kind of lies down on the border there, he seems unaware of the danger.  One wrong move or slip and that would of course be the end of him.

The couple finally spots the boy.  They run out of the pool and rush over to him.  They pull him off the wall, rescuing him.  They are emotional, panicked, scared.  They yell at the boy for what he has done, putting himself in such danger.  The mother then slaps the child.  The child then runs off and goes inside.  The couple stay there and console each other, making each other feel better after that traumatic situation.

This makes me feel a lot of different feelings, of course.  I'm a bit outraged about how the couple are more concerned about themselves.  They were unaware of the unsupervised child.  After the scary situation, they then console themselves while the child is again left alone.  The child did not even know he was in danger.  They only made the situation worse by scolding him and then physically assaulting him.  Would you blame me for feeling judgmental at this point?

And then this is what director Michael Haneke does.  He reveals that this is just a scene in a movie within the movie.  The actors are in a studio watching the scene, dubbing additional dialogue recording.  It is of course a very powerful serious scene, but as they flub their lines, they laugh at their mistakes.  So you're going from one emotion, something like being outraged, and then he switches it up and makes you wonder what you were so upset about.

In any case, I do feel like there are some people who are not very good at parenting.  Although they may have the financial means to provide for them, they are not necessarily there emotionally.  And they might even mean well sometimes, but they might be a bit misguided.

Sometimes, I think I recognize a situation like this, and I would feel all concerned about it.  But then just like in the film, something about the people pulls me out of it and makes me wonder if there is really something to be worried about.  It's hard when it comes to emotional neglect.  It's not something you can easily prove.  You just kind of have to pray and hope for the best.

Queue Tips: Code Unknown

I've seen "Code Unknown" before.  I remember really enjoying.  The first time I saw it was back in college, around the year 2000.  I may have seen it in the theatre but probably not.  I was really into these kinds of films back then, and I did use to go to theaters to watch them.  Places like the Angelika or Film Forum or something.  I was also into Michael Haneke films, but I probably wasn't that aware of him at the time this came out.

Actually, now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure now that I saw this in a college class around 2001 or 2002.  I was a film major so I had many classes where we would watch movies.  I can't remember the name of the specific class, but I'm sure I still have my notebook.  It was a class that really got me thinking about films and their meaning.  I think the course was called Film and Humanities, or something like that.

My favorite filmmaking instrument is the tripod.  I love films that actually set up the camera and put thought into composition.  That is what I like about Michael Haneke films.  I like what the camera shows and doesn't show.  I like how it reveals things by panning, tilting, dollying and generally by moving.  I do see a purpose in handheld from time to time, but mostly I find it lazy.

It's been a while since I've seen "Code Unknown" but as I said, I liked it when I first saw it.  I enjoyed it.  And it got me thinking a bit.  Again the composition was good, and the long takes were impressive.  They really get you into the moment.  And I like how the director purposely takes you out of those moments from time to time.

It is a French film, with characters who speak French, as well as other characters who speak other different languages.  Part of this leads to miscommunication and misunderstanding.  I don't remember the exact stories or plots at this point.  I'm not sure what prompted me to rewatch it again at this point.  It was probably another Haneke film that I just watched.  I do know that he died recently.  Oh wait, after googalizing it, I see that he is still alive.  So who just died?  In any case, I was probably just thinking of one of his films like "Funny Games" or something.  Or maybe I saw a movie with too much handheld camera and missed his style.  And then I just happened to see this title and put it on.  It's also possible I thought of it because my son is has been studying French in high school.

In any case, this time around when I watched it, I actually did not have subtitles available.  So I watched "Code Unknown" with no subtitles.  So the actual languages and conversations were actually unknown to me.  There is barely any English.  I think the only thing I understood was a reference to a quote from John F. Kennedy, Jr. in which he says, "Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country."  Without the languages being transcoded for me, it was more mysterious and and curious what was going on.  I actually liked it.  I liked trying to figure out what was going on without understanding the dialogue.

Queue Tips: Dave The Rave

"Dave" is a movie that I remember watching back when it first came out in 1993.  There was a time when my mom and I would go to the movies a lot around this year.  I didn't have a lot of activities to participate in, but for a while this was something that I could regularly look forward to in the weekends.  A couple of movies we went to when they came out were "Jurassic Park" and " Dennis the Menace".  I remember we were at the food court or something and there was a poster of that dinosaur movie and she pointed out that tag line, "65 millions years in the making."  I just kind of nodded, but I didn't really get it.  That was probably the first time I've seen that phrase.  I didn't ask her what it meant.  She seemed impressed with it, and I just wanted to agree.

Anyways, I feel like "Dave" probably came out in the fall maybe.  Or was it late spring?  I was in the seventh grade, and I didn't really have a lot of friends.  But at some point I remember walking on Jordan Avenue toward Vroom Street with a class mate, and we were talking.  I joked with him that "Dave" is great, "Dave" is the best, "Dave" is amazing.  Dave being my name, you see.  And I think he laughed.  I was hoping to make the same joke with other classmates at some point, but it never happened.  I think school maybe ended or something.  In the back of my mind, I think I really did hope people would think Dave to be great and the best and amazing.  Super amazing great.

Googalizing the release date of the film shows that it was May 7, 1993.  So I probably saw it near the end of school.  I think probably that memory of me walking and talking with my classmate was probably one of the last days of school, if not the last day.  I remember feeling a sense of relaxation and no stress.  Seventh grade was a tough one for me, and I wrote a lot about it on my journal at the time.  I also wrote about "Dave" and my little joke with my acquaintance.  Notice I'm not referring to him as an actual friend, because I can't even remember his name or which one he actually was.  

I actually did like the movie at the time.  Rewatching it now, it's kind of amazing how much movies can oversimplify things and expect you to really suspend your disbelief.  Remember when movies used to be an escape?  I'm not sure how well this film did, but I think it was made because people kind of wanted to believe or imagine that politicians can actually be good and actually care about people other than themselves.

Spoiler alert.  This movie is about a guy who looks just like the president of the country.  He gets a chance to take over the role and actually does at least one good thing, albeit in a strange and unorthodox manner.  It was a fun watch at the time.  I think it was refreshing to see back then.  This day and age, I think it's pretty nearly impossible to imagine.

I used to really, really admire my mom at this age.  At some points I imagined her being president of this country, even though I knew it was not actually possible because of the citizenship rules.  In my fantasy, the scenario was that the whole country was just so impressed with her brilliance that they found a way around that.  And then somehow my dad would become vice president.  I was not that impressed with him, especially not ethically, but my mom would keep her in line.  And of course, being the son of the president and vice president, I would be famous and known as well and I would be admired and be good also and all that.  This was just a fleeting fantasy.  Somehow I remembered imagining this while taking a bubble bath in our little one bedroom apartment.

I don't remember when exactly my mom first thought to go to the movies.  Somehow I was thinking that it was when "Jurassic Park" first came out, but Googalizing it show that it was released in June, which is after "Dave".  But then again, "Dave" would probably have still been in theaters that month and we only saw it then, after which I told my classmate about it and school ended.  

Again, I had nothing to do - no sports or music or classmates to hang out with - so when she asked, I just said okay and went.  (Years later, I would just not want to go at all, preferring to just stay home and watch TV or listen to music or something.)  This went on for a few weeks.  Other movies I believe we went to see were "Last Action Hero", "Sleepless in Seattle" and"The Firm".  Hm, somehow now that I think about it, it was really not that many.  But I guess for those few weeks, it felt like a regular thing.

Our close family friends went back to the Philippines for the summer, and I became their house sitter and I took care of their dog in their apartment while they were away.  Unlike us, they had cable TV, and I preferred to stay there most of the time, even sleeping over there by myself some nights.  I would stay up late just watching whatever and be very tired when I actually did come home.  And then around August, my second older brother came over to live with us and things really changed.

Queue Tips: Grey Gardens

I was watching "Grey Gardens" the other day, and I remember feeling that it reminded me of another documentary I had seen before.  I thought hard about which one it was, and after a while I realized it was "Bright Lights", which is about Debbie Reynolds and her daughter Carrie Fisher.  And then after thinking about it some more, I realized that was the reason why I had intended to watch "Grey Gardens" in the first place.  After watching "Bright Lights", I read a review about it and the article mentioned that it reminded the writer about "Grey Gardens".

Anyways, so yeah, there is a similarity in that it does kind of give you the same vibe.  And it is about an elderly mother and her daughter.  They apparently live together in this mansion called Grey Gardens.  But unlike Reynolds and Fisher, I don't think these two ever really accomplished much.  They just happened to be related to Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis.  And unlike "Bright Lights", it doesn't end with the two subjects dying in the end.

It's interesting enough, I guess.  I can't say I identify with the subjects though or admire them in any way.  At some points, the daughter keeps talking about what kind of man she wants or something, in kind of a picky way, I guess.  Kind of reminds me of this "Kids in the Hall" line.

It did kind of remind me of my old days as a video editor.  Sometimes I would be working with home videos or something, and I would get to see glimpses of people's lives like this.  And then I also had a client who were kind of like the subjects.  They were clients with nice houses and things and knew people and stuff.  Too many to write about right now.  I also had a client who would just constantly talk and opine during the edit sessions.  It was nice getting to know them though, I guess.  But overall, I just didn't really identify.  I hope they are doing all right.

Queue Tips: Cadillac Records

Apparently, "Cadillac Records" is not the sequel to "The Lincoln Lawyer".  It's a totally different movie.  This movie is about rock and roll musicians in the 1950s and 60s.  It stars Adrien Brody as a white producer.  I can't remember his character's full name, but I believe the last name was Chess.  And I believe there actually was no Cadillac Records company, and instead it was called Chess Records.  One of the company's other producers was Muddy Waters.  

At first watch, I wasn't sure if this was actually based on true events, or how historically accurate it was.  There was just so much talent there that it's kind of hard to believe they all went through just this one record company.  There was, of course, Waters, but there was also Chuck Berry, Etta James and many others.  

I liked the performances of the actors.  Jeffrey Wright plays Muddy Waters.  Mos Def plays Chuck Berry.  (Now that I think about it, I probably wrote about this movie already before because I remember really liking his work at the time.). And Beyonce Knowles plays Etta James.  It was a real treat watching her.  I always enjoyed the few songs that I knew of hers, such as "At Last" and "I'd Rather Go Blind", and Beyonce's performance really added to my appreciation.  "All I Could Do Was Cry" was really great, and I'm going to try to get that song and check out more by James.

As a frustrated director, this movie gave me ideas as to how I would approach a musical historical biopic type movie.  I don't want to write it here because I'm paranoid even though no one reads this.  But I will say I did not like "Bohemian Rhapsody" all that much.  I wanted to learn more about the songwriting process of Queen, and I don't feel like we really got that from that film.  Not that we got much from this film either.  

Actually, one of the things I wish we kind of learned about was where the talent came from.  Of course, it would probably mostly come from practicing, right?  But who knows?  Did these musicians actually practice all that much?  Were they just blessed?  Where did they get their guitars or harmonicas?  And how did they find the time to hone their craft?  What did they have to sacrifice in exchange?

When I was in college, I thought about becoming a musician.  I hung around other musicians, even though they weren't necessarily into the genre I was into, which was heavy metal at the time.  I kind of had to weigh the risk of what it would take to pursue my dream.  I considered dropping out of college and devoting all my time into the music business.  I was close to getting gigs here and there but I just never got the time to really practice.  I was a drummer and it was tough for me to just practice all day because I had neighbors sharing walls one either side of our house.  So it was a challenge to get better and learn songs and book gigs which would hopefully lead to more opportunities.

So I guess that is kind of what I'm looking for in these types of movies.  Instead, the characters just kind of come out of nowhere, already skilled and talented.  They even barely make any mistakes in their performances.  But they don't show who helped them and gave them a chance.  They show the business side of it once they were already good, but they don't really show the root of recognizing that talent and nurturing it.  They also don't show the opposite side.  Were there potentially great people out there who just couldn't pursue their dream because they had to get to work and earn money and make a decision.  So instead of becoming a famous musician, they ended up getting a job and where they were overworked and underpaid for many years and now can only reminisce and wonder about what might have been as they write on their blog that nobody reads.